Making Steps Into The Future Ahead

 (WARNING: Strong language.)

Halo to all.

Perhaps some of you can relate to the current situations that have been revolving around yourselves lately. You know: The feeling that life seems gloomy or fucked up, just because some shitty virus caused prices to hike like it was climbing to the the goddamn peak of Everest. And the fact that it had shut the gates on what's beyond the eyes of wanderlust.

Pardon my explosive paragraph from earlier. Just need to let myself out. I'm already 28 years through my life cycle, and I never have ventured to a world beyond Southeast Asia.

The world out there has signalled me to discover new places, but hindrances always get in the way to cloud your dreams of exploration. And with time playing around, they get darker to a point that you'll never be able to end up catching a glimpse of the other side.

I frequently commute the airport during my free time, but not for the purpose of flying to places unknown to the memory of my mind. I sometimes look up to the sky; 787s taking off, 777s landing. And I'm just stuck here, only limited to the ability of imagining that I am aboard one of them.

People of my age would take their leave fulfilling their bucket list of countries. Where does that leave me? The same thing, but instead it's an endless fucking pile of bills. That wasn't all. The year 2022 became excruciatingly toxic that going and hiding in dark places lingered in my thoughts.

The fact that I was the only child, I had to take responsibility as the main breadwinner of my family ever since I started working. I had the heaviest responsibility to carry in keeping my family stable. Not just financially, but emotionally and mentally as well.

Of course this is where they amplify the likelihood of me easily burning out or becoming unmotivated to do my hobbies. And with this piece of shit virus in the way, the situation ended up becoming worse than you think.

Sure I had eventful times with friends during this period of hard times and I am thankful for those small moments, but all these 'challenges' I have faced from 2021 till 2022 have been more overwhelming than the average daily amount of Dopamine in my systems. Pardon my geekiness.

But you know, amidst of all these fuckity piles of shits that I'd been through, the year 2023 told me to still stand, breathe, and stay hopeful that the tides will change in my favour.

What I really need is a sense of normalcy like how it was many years ago. When I could worry little about how much money I have left in my pockets or when I don't develop second thoughts on buying something hefty. Simply put, when money no longer becomes the primary concern of the hindrances in my life.

Heh, the reality of adulthood. Am I right? Fighting through survival, persevering through pain, but still feeling thankful that I'll make it to tomorrow.

On a more optimistic note, 2023 was showing glimpses of 2019. When I can forget the damages this asshole of a pandemic has caused.

The holidays during the end of the year has always been a refreshing time. Feast with the family. Play Halo. Hang out with friends. Appreciate life to the fullest, because our time here is limited.

With that, I wish everyone Merry Christmas & Happy New Year 2024. Do what you do best to make yourself feel humble.

Till then, see you starside.

"The most vital thing to do in life: Breathe."

Somewhere In The Darkness

(WARNING: Strong Language.)

Halo to all.

I would like to apologize to everyone if you're expecting a typical blog of me recounting events or laying out my interests, but I'm going to put focus of this blog about the quarter-life crisis that has been sucking the life out of my adulthood slowly.

As of the moment I'm penning this blog, I'm down deep in my financial situation. Sure, I'm working full-time with a salary that is indeed much more well-off than others. But, whatever I earn is just sufficient to meet the payments of the many essential bills that have to be paid every month. My only remaining funds is only enough for transport or budgeted food (E.g. Hawker food centres).

The thing is, I am stuck on that cycle, month after month after month since 2021. Kinda like as if, I work and get rewarded, but the only reward that I'm able to afford is only just one full meal from a casual restaurant, at the maximum of one person, per month.

Even so, relying on credit card or personal loan in the long run is unhealthy, because when interest accumulates exponentially every month, you'll realize that you will slowly and progressively lack the means to pay them up.

By the time I lost the power to pay up essential bills via credit cards as they had reached their maximum limit, I had no choice but to rely on my salary to do so. This of course has dire consequences as the months pass by: Rationing payment for the other essential bills (Also known as prioritizing on what needs to be paid first rather than paying all.).

There are so many factors that magnetize together to contribute a force so strong that there is little money to spare.

Firstly: Rising costs of living & inflation troubles. If I go by simple math, the pricier the groceries get, the lesser you can buy back home as compared to the previous years.

Secondly: Salaries gained from one source just isn't enough, because even an enhancement isn't enough to cope with the inflation, hence the lack of financial stability. I'm sure many of you have already resorted to doing side-jobs or gigs.

Lastly: That fucking virus. I swear to God that that is the root cause for these factors I have listed out. Imagine if this shitfuck of an infection did not exist in the first place, the world's economy would have still maintained itself well today, and we won't have to deal with all these $5 chicken rice meals (A value like that is already considered expensive in Singapore as compared to a $3 chicken rice meal years ago.).

I'm already on the verge of not being able to do the things that many others from my generation are doing right now, and that is to explore the world near and far.

The lack of achieving that wanderlust is already bad enough to suffocate one with the mundane things in life day by day until you get mentally exhausted to a point that you'd end fed up with it.

Ultimately, I'm just stuck in a loop that I could not break. My mind could only go as far as wondering where can the loop be broken, but never about when are you finally out of it.

Take an example of me going to the airport. I'm not there to catch a flight, no. I just only watch people have the freedom to go somewhere. Or me going to malls. I'm not there to dine in a restaurant I crave. I just only watch people satisfy their appetite by eating there.

Life without a rich-enough finance is grim. It literally fucking sucks.

My happiness is diminishing day by day. I don't even know if there is a particular someone out there who can inspire and motivate me to see life in a much more vibrant setting. And maybe allow good karma to exist for once.

I'll see you all again, when all these feelings of lacking the energy to do what I want dissipates.

Till then, see you starside.

"If in doubt of your actions, just know that there are multiple versions of you from other universes doing the same thing."

Ride The Storm, Follow The Light

(WARNING: Strong Language.)

Halo to all.

It's been 4 years since I last drafted something into my blog. But with a lot of running in my mind lately, I feel like I should vent out my thoughts here. Maybe it'll help to release the steam of challenges that I've been getting through lately.

We all remembered what 2020 was like. The moment the virus known as COVID-19 dirsrupted our very way of living life. We lacked the means of travelling to different parts of the world, which to be honest, does affect our mental health.

As a healthcare worker myself, I had to face an endless wave of patients getting admitted all thanks to the suspicion or confirmation that they got that goddamn virus.

What's worse was during that period of time, our world was put into a state of lockdown. No such thing as mingling with friends and families for recreation. No dining in restaurants as it can cause a risk into easily spreading the virus to others. From a gaming perspective, game developers had no choice but to delay their game production, leading to a way later release date.

2020 was indeed an utter bullshit for all.

--------------------------------------------------

Then came 2021. Although a lot of the restrictions due to the lockdown have eased, it still wasn't the full freedom we all have been dreaming for.

In retrospect, there were a lot of events that happened in a not-so positive way. My work crush had left her job; I decided not to do anything because I know doing that will not get me anywhere I wish it could be.

That's not all, I had to deal with a leg injury during the last few months of the year; Maybe because of how physically drained I was with the still endless loads of patients coming in. Fortunately, I got better by December. Just needed more rest.

At least one very positive event happened that year: Getting an Xbox Series X and Halo Infinite (Finally making a full release on 8th December 2021.). Extremely thankful for this, as it helped me mentally regain my strength.

2021 was ridiculous for the majority, but at least I got a tinge of optimism in the end.

--------------------------------------------------

Moving on to 2022. I still had to face so many hardships even though the virus pandemic had been making a transition into an endemic (i.e. Easing of mask-wearing in certain locations.)

The inflation is one of them, thanks to COVID causing the economy to fall flat. I'd typically buy a bento for $5. Now it's raised to $6. And boomers still have the guts to say that us millennials are well-off. No offense to the boomers out there.

Another was when I got a confirmed positive result on the goddamn virus. My nose was runny, but most prominently, my throat was at the most painful stage it had ever been. Very annoying to get through this at a span of 6 days.

But, the hardship that hit me the most was what I consider a 'life-changing' event. I will not put in the details as I want to respect the privacy of those involved. But I will say that I had to endure through months in order to have everything normalized, and it was fucking detrimental.

I apologize to any of my colleagues or friends if I said that I was not 'free' to chat or hang out during that period of time, or if you notice that I seem less happy than I used to be.

I'm better now, and I hope it stays that way. Fingers crossed.

Not the entire of 2022 was bittered with sadness or anger. On August, I finally got the opportunity to travel out with my Family, to Batam. While it may have been only a mere 3 days of vacation, it was indeed a full recharge from the stamina drained from working.

That's not all. On December, Avatar: The Way Of Water was released in cinemas near and far. I decided to watch it on IMAX mode, because I want to feel like as if I was literally in another world. Pandora was filled with the beauty of nature, so why not?

2022 may have brought me down to my lowest low, but it very well had proven to me that I can still perservere to get back on my feet.

--------------------------------------------------

Now onto the present. 2023. Much of my challenges are filled with financial setbacks thanks to the inflation still dragging on and on. But I believe that with the right tools and approaches, I'll be able to make it out (By hitting 6 numbers in the lottery XD, just kidding.).

There's more of the world beyond Asia that's worth venturing to, and I hope that I can go there sooner than I thought.

With that, I shall end my blog here. COVID can break our health physically or mentally, but it will never break our spirits.

Till then, see you starside.

"In order to live, you must learn that life is like a Yin and Yang. You will get good ones. You will get bad ones. Put too much in one of them, and you will tip the balance of appreciating the life that has been bestowed upon you."